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Tuesday, 10 February 2015

THE BEGINNING AND THE END IS ALWAYS THE SAME, THE BIT IN BETWEEN IS UP TO YOU

I'm exhausted, I'm lost. I want to smile, cry, scream. My mind feels empty but my thoughts feel heavy. I feel disconnected, absent, what am I doing? How do I find my path, my journey, when I don't see a beginning, or an end? I'm searching but I can't find it. I'm immobilised, I'm trapped. Claustrophobic thoughts and unexplained emotions fill my soul. I can't breathe. Who am I? I feel nothing. I feel numb... Where did my sunshine go?



I'm 24 years old and every job I have had since I was 16 has just been another step closer towards the job I was recently doing. 2014 was a challenging but very progressive year for me. I was promoted four times in 10 months and the money attached to that progression was great however, I've now been off "sick" since the beginning of December 2014 and it's not because I am weak or I couldn't do the job, it was because I was distracted and consumed by something that meant nothing.

The corporate world is hard man and I really do pity humanity for having to conform to such unfulfilling, unsatisfying and unnecessary bullshit. Why are we being distracted from real life and real reality? Reality is not even what we know it to be. If reality is defined as 'the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them', then why the fuck do we use reality as another word for money and employment? Reality is not about going 'back to work' or 'paying the bills'. Reality is about opening your own eyes and looking out at what is right in front of you, what is real. You don't look up to the sky and stars at night with judgement or an opinion or a purpose. You look at it because it's there, because you can see it. We may not be able to touch it or feel it but we know it's there and that's reality.

Trees are nature; they are real, they are reality. You can see them, touch them. They grow freely and undisturbed and are not owned by anyone or anything. Trees keep us alive at no cost or price, yet we chose to cut those trees down just so we can create pieces of paper, which do come with a price and cost. Pieces of misleading paper that is created out of our life source. Why does money control everything and everyone, when money is simply created by nature? Nature doesn't have a price. Nature belongs to no one.

The society we live in, breathe in, are growing in, is controlled by people who don't give a shit whether we live, nor die and that is very sad. What is wrong with us all? What are any of us really doing? I understand everyone's need to earn money; to provide for their families and to be successful but is that what life is about? Is that what the meaning of living really is? Because if you honestly believe that's what life is, then you my friend are lost and I feel sorry for you.

Life is not about who has a better car, or who's got the iPhone 6 or posting a picture on Facebook of your new pair of trainers to make your friends jealous... Life is about living. SO FUCKING LIVE! All of our lives may have their own individuals stories to tell but remember, every single being on this planet has a story, a story that starts the same and also finishes the same as everyone else's. This 20th century invention of a career has lingered on and haunted humanity for too long and we need to break away from it. Stop judging each other and competing with each other. Break away from this miserable, robotic society and really live in the present moment. At the end of the day we all want the same thing don't we? To be happy? So just be fucking happy.

So at this present time, I may be feeling lost and an air of melancholy may surround me but at least I now understand what life really is. I don't need to be a slave to the people who only have one pathetic purpose, I don't need power and I don't need a 9-5 job that fills me with anxiety and no self-worth... All I need to do is be happy. How I choose or you choose to be happy is up to us. How we choose to fill in the middle of our story is the journey of life and that is exactly what I am going to do. We only have one life and I want to live it the right way, my way.


She was fierce, she was strong, she wasn’t simple.
She was crazy and sometimes she barely slept.
She always had something to say.
She had flaws and that was ok.
And when she was down, she got right back up.
She was a beast in her own way, but one idea described her best.
She was unstoppable and she took anything she wanted with a smile.

- Robert M. Drake



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