I'm feeling exhausted and lost. I want to smile, cry, and scream all at once. My mind feels empty, yet my thoughts weigh heavily on me. I feel disconnected and absent, "What am I doing?". How can I find my path or my journey when there seems to be neither a beginning nor an end? I’m searching but can’t seem to find it. I feel immobilised and trapped, overwhelmed by claustrophobic thoughts and unexplained emotions that fill my soul. It’s hard to breathe. Who am I? I feel nothing—just numb. Where did my sunshine go?
I'm 24 years old, and every job I've had since I was 16 has brought me closer to my most recent position. In 2014, I faced challenges but also made significant progress, earning four promotions in just ten months. The financial rewards that came with those promotions were great, but since early December 2014, I took a leave of absence, commonly referred to in the UK as being "on the sick." This isn't a reflection of weakness or an inability to perform; rather, I was overwhelmed and distracted by something that ultimately didn't matter.
The corporate world is tough, and I genuinely feel for humanity having to conform to such unfulfilling, unsatisfying, and often pointless routines. Why are we being distracted from real life and true reality? What we consider reality isn’t even what it should be. If reality is defined as, 'The state of things as they actually exist..." Then why do we only equate reality with money and employment? Reality isn’t about going “back to work” after a holiday or a week of self-care, it’s about opening your eyes and truly seeing what’s right in front of you. And being 'in the now'.
The society we inhabit is controlled by individuals who seem indifferent to whether we thrive or struggle, and that’s truly disheartening. So, why are we so dependent on them? And what is our actual purpose here? I get that everyone needs to earn a living and support their families to make their children's future easier than their own, striving for their own version of success along the way, but is making copious money the essence of life? When is enough enough? When do we take a moment to pause and smell the roses? If we believe that’s all there is to life, then aren't we missing something important? Life isn’t about who drives the fanciest car or who has the latest iPhone... Life is about being alive, or at least coming up for air once in a while to truly feel it. Each of our lives has a unique story, yet we all share a common beginning and end. This modern obsession with careers has weighed us down for too long, and it’s time to break free from the matrix. Ultimately, don’t we all want the same thing? To be happy?
Right now, I might feel a bit lost and surrounded by a sense of melancholy, but I’ve come to understand what life really means. I refuse to be a slave to those with a single-minded purpose. I don’t need power or a 9-to-5 job that drains me of joy and self-worth. What I truly need is happiness. "So, how do we find that happiness?" You might ask. Through connection, I believe. And the way we choose to navigate our stories, which is the true essence of life.
After all, we only have one life, and I want to live mine authentically and on my own terms.
